Lahn Pad Thai (Original)

You might be wondering why we would venture outside from our home in Mountain View to foray into the bleached sterility of what everybody outside calls SS. It is a place where housewives languish under the bright LED lights of their recently renovated kitchens, where every man woman and child owns an average of three SUVs, and where bears break through windows for a quiet nights rest. I am talking about the South Side.

Bum Bum Bummmmmmmm!!!!

We are on a mission, however, and there is no more appropriate time to enter into SS, than when there is occasion to celebrate the embodiment of SS: Sean Spicer, who recently was promoted from Press Secretary to Former Press Secretary. We would seek spicy, for Spicey, in SS.

While Lahn Pad Thai may technically straddle the border between the “real Anchorage” and the actual SS, Abbott and Lake Otis is no Fairview. Home to a SteamDot, Flying Dutchman and a chocolate fountain rental shop, it’s not the place that you would expect to find some cheap Asian eats. We are back in Kansas, Dorothy.

Walking in was disconcerting. Instead of the usual menagerie of buddhist shrines and gold plated ornaments, the main decor was Bed, Bath and Beyond style inspirational wooden signs. One said “I’m not bossy, you just don’t know how to listen.”

So SS.

As we settled into the cushioned chairs and read over the menu, we started seeing reasons to be optimistic. Though Thailer’s small head can’t handle the dazzling number of choices (she struggles with anything higher than about 14), Gorman was impressed. There were pages of vegetarian options (though they all contained tofu–disgusting), curries, appetizers, stir frys and noodles. Impressively, they weren’t SS priced, and comparable to just about any other Thai food we have seen ($12.95), but the menus were so heavy that elderly or medicaid customers should probably steer towards other establishments.

So heavy So many choices

Thailer ordered “Spicy” Popeye Chicken (mostly because of her cartoonish tendencies), while Gorman, a Classicist in all of its forms, ordered Pad Thai. Both were $12.95.

Luckily we arrived just before a mob of inbred, pasty, active-wear-clad SS residents arrived and so our food came relatively quickly and was quite a sight to behold. The Pad Thai was masterful in appearance, with the right amounts of greens, whites, and oranges. While the flavor was definitely heavy on the sweet side, there were good quantities of shrimps and chickens, and a nice balance of vegetables. It was Thailer’s top Pad Thai, thus far.

The Popeye was very spinachy, in the best way possible. Best of all it was Spicy!!!! But it was lacking even a hint of the sweetness that the Pad Thai had in abundance.

Gorman reached for the sugar and Sriracha to compliment the flavor—- and there was nothing there!!!!!!! We looked around the whole table, then under it, and still couldn’t find a single condiment. If a Thai Restaurant falls in the forest and no condiments see it, was it ever really a Thai Restaurant? We even searched in the bathroom, and though there was a plethora of toilet paper, there were no condiments.

On a side note, the asian-ish two-year-old we sat next to seemed extremely smart. He opened and used a straw all by himself.

Spicy out!!!!

Condiments:

Atmosphere:         * *

Price:                      * * * *

Service:                  * * * * *

Food:                      * * * *

Total: 15/25